27 November 2008


It was bound to blog sooner or later.

I have been given the reins of the filmblog Flunky. And today I blogged a couple of blogposts there. Or so I thought. But here's the hilarious part:

I actually posted them here (!)

Isn't that a scream? I mean the whole time I thought I was posting them there, but instead they were here!! I know. Wild, right?

Well, that's just a risk you assume when you write two 'weblogs'. I mean, I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew it could happen.

No. No, don't worry, I moved them. There's no harm done, but I mean, that was close!


26 November 2008

Sexy Sex Scene


"The queen sized bed was just under the open window, and the Egyptian cotton sheets rustled in the breeze. Rita's creamy alabaster skin glistened in the moonlight. Tom reached for her. She moaned softly. He gently ran his hand down her back in one fluid motion, pausing at the small indent just above her behind, before proceeding further down to grab a handful of her curvy ass. He then changed his mind and his fingertips retraced their steps. After fumbling a moment, he undid her bra strap. Her nipples peeked out as if this were a sort of interactive striptease. One that wasn't teasing, just stripping.

He leaned in and kissed her hungrily. She responded hungrily - flicking her tongue in and out of his mouth. Tom ached for her. She too, was horny. "

It is pretty hard to write a sex scene. I mean, if you include the phrases hungrily, horny, moaning softly, alabaster skin, and some body parts (preferably engorged and/or swollen), I guess you can pretty much guarantee yourself a bad one. How about a good one? I don't know.

Anyway, all this is preamble so you can go check out the shortlist for the Bad Sex award, at The Guardian. I was surprised to see Russell Banks made the list. (Although he did use "creamy skin", and "alabaster" to describe his lovers, so it's probably warranted).

Thanks to the mentalfloss morning cup of links.


24 November 2008

Flunky - the film

A project is born.

I wrote a short comedy sketch, that has since blossomed into a real live, no-budget film project. This film project is known as Flunky, and it has it's own blog, of which I am the happy blogger. The shooting of this 15 minute short film is this upcoming weekend. At the helm is Bernardo, my co-producer and director, who is really responsible for ramping this up to the 'actual'. His script notes are excellent, and I imagine he'll direct the shit out of us actors as well.

This process is alot of work, and alot of learning, and alot of nerves about this weekends shooting. We're now a cast and crew of thirty. I'm panicking (with anticipation) and we're still a week away.

I will continue mentioning this exciting thing, but if you're planning on becoming a Flunky newsjunkie, you should pay attention to http://www.flunkythefilm.blogspot.com/, because that's where the film stuff has it's own dedicated blog. And one more thing you should check is the logo design for the company that is the focus of the film: "Solutions Labour Solutions".
I know, it's awesome. The Shortcut Kid strikes again!


21 November 2008

Letter home- impending holidays

NOTE: Predating this blog is my email list of friends, mostly from Vancouver, but also many from places that aren't Vancouver. I still like to keep them updated, even though they may not be regular readers of this blog. So I send them an email a couple times a year.

Dear friends and relatives,

It's late November, and I'm yearning for feasting. I missed Canadian Thanksgiving - again. But I hope to compensate by celebrating American Thanksgiving (Yanksgiving), but acting like a bit of a dick. To show my loyalty to Canadian Thanksgiving.

I will also be a bit of a dick because after being so smug for eight years, they now have President "it's possible that I'm a little too awesome" Obama, and we have that mug Stephen Harper.

Actually here in Belgium, where I live, I'm not even sure we have a Prime Minister anymore. It's complicated..

Anyway, life here, despite political uncertainty, goes on. We're finally working on Chiara's health in a constructive way - she's been sick for a long time, but now we've found a doctor who we think can cure her, and by taking a holistic approach in the future we're talking a faster, smarter, hotter Chiara overall - Chiara 2.0, if you will. It involves alot of medicines and a very restricted diet.

On the job front we're doing well, I write to you as the "Manager - Communcation" of the European Committee for Standardization. Pretty sweet, right? - you can click here for the real story.

The upside is that I have a contrat indeterminée, which means in theory I can work here until the day I die.

However, my wife and I are scheming on a grand new scheme, which would involve taking a hiatus from the workaday world to take up life as Masters students in London (England). This idea (which, at this point, is still only an idea) excites us very much, although the prospect of eating noodles every night in a tiny flat and riding the crowded tube every morning will be a big adjustment from our current situation. We don't know where we'll be come September next.

However, come December this, we will be in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, first in Seattle, then Victoria for family-island-Chrsitmas-time, and then to Vancouver on 28(ish) December until the 6 of January. We hope to see friends (and their new babies where applicable) and are generally open to suggestions of fun things to do, friends to visit, and the like.

We are also looking at renting a room possibly at a bed and breakfast for that time in Vancouver. If you know somebody who will be away during that period and would like to sublet their apartment for a week, let me know - or if you know a great bed and breakfast (preferably eastside), let us know.

If you don't live in or near Vancouver, you are excused from this request.

Final thing I'm excited about (not counting Vancouver Canucks recent fine form and AS Roma's victory in the derby) is that I'm filming a short movie next weekend.
On set! Acting! No budget!

I am wearing the following hats: Co-Producer, Writer, Actor. It is a steep learning curve, but it's a fun project and I'm hoping to be able to show a finished product I'm proud of sometime in early 2009. But I've got alot of things to learn and do before then. Follow the progress at www.flunkythefilm.blogspot.com

Please drop a line if you've got time and are so inclined, so I know how and what you're doing.

Love and cake,



18 November 2008

Great new words explain lamentable events

From Orange Edge

I like words. I use them to express my thoughts. And, sometimes, my feelings.

What I've got here are two important words inspired by the lamentable state of world affairs. Econopocalypse, and Palin.

Econopocalypse: the ongoing immolation of the global financial system (if you didn't guess). I first discovered this on Boing Boing and now I'm going to use it like it's my own. This word gets bonus points for needing a couple test runs to get the pronunciation right. Try it.

Palin: has three different definitions on Urban Dictionary. Basically it means, someone completely unqualified for a job, as in "HR sent me another Palin for the marketing manager job." Or, even better, "an incompetent, impractical, irrelevant or incapable person who has been appointed to a position of great importance." As in, "John was recently made principal, but everybody thinks he's a Palin who can't do the job.

The first term is useful in the short term, because it can immediately sum up the state of the financial crisis in a fun portmanteau kind of way. The second is very very important, because a search for "Palin 2012" turns up 6 million results on Google.
However, if her name becomes common vernacular for describing any incompetent person with too much power (in contrast to just describing one particular incompetent person invested with too much power), and/or an idiot applicant for a job well beyond their capabilities (see bracketed clause preceding) well, then I think that original Alaskan incompetent is going to find a presidential bid in 2012 a whole lot harder to mount.

That's the power of words.


14 November 2008

Games to melt your mind

Have quick look at the image above. It's a screenshot from Vectorpark. It's a game called levers. I was trying to build a mobile out of bowling balls, birdhouses, snowmen and whatever else fell out of the sky. That's all I can remember.

It's alot like a drug trip, without the drugs. And it's only one of a great many bizarre and entertaining diversions they have over there. What does it all mean? I sure didn't figure it out, but it was a great ride.

Thanks to VSL for the hook-up.


13 November 2008

A virtual "Road to (ancient) Rome"

Image from BBC

Google has constructed a virtual ancient Rome as part of Google Earth, so you can zoom around Caesar's Forum and Trajan's Market, seeing them as Trajan, Caesar, and the millions of Roman citizens and slaves would've seen them. This virtual Rome is based on an in-depth model, the Plastico di Roma Antica, painstakingly built by archaelogists and model-builders.

When the technology of the present is used to detail the past in three dimensions, well, I think we're actually talking about the future.


12 November 2008

Promotion to "Manager"

At least I thought it was a promotion. Turns out that it's merely an acknowledgement that I'm not snowed under by my workload.

"How's Ryan doing?"

"Oh, not too bad. He's managing."

"Shall we change his job title then?"

And so they did. It sounded good in the beginning, until I realized that in fact, I wouldn't be managing any other people, nor would my income or office size really increase. A promotion with zero increase in power, prestige, or purchasing power is hardly a promotion. All they did was increase my workload, to see if I could continue "managing."

However, when I learned what other job titles were out there, I realized I could have done much worse than Manager. (Though, admittedly, I also could have done better).

It breaks down like this:

"RULER": When you just kick your workload's ass, all day everyday, and collect high-fives all the way to the lunchroom, pretty much everybody knows that you rule.

"IMPROVER": You do not rule, but you are actually getting better. And we noticed!!!

"MANAGER": Just getting by, like me.

"STRUGGLER": Your workload is kicking your ass. Maybe it's just too much or too difficult, or maybe you're lazy or incompetent. Whatever the reason is, you're just not cutting it, and now everybody knows it.

"SUCKER": This job title actually has two different meanings. Either you willingly take on all the grunt work of those above you, and are therefore a 'sucker' in the sense that PT Barnum would use it, or you just plain suck at your job. Or both. Sucker.

"LOSER": When you're demoted to loser the biggest loss is your status as 'gainfully employed'.

How quickly the sheen has worn off my gold star, to reveal the words "Bare Pass" written in fine print.


07 November 2008

Why? @ Botanique

Image from Wannabes flickr

My wife and I went to see the band Why? at the Botanique.

Why, you might ask. That's not very funny, I would reply.

My only regret was missing Volcano!, the opening act. They're described as an ecletic something, that defies something, and being really fucking something. A reviewer is also quoted as saying they make music that "would be the perfect soundtrack for the bible." I can't even begin to understand what that means, but it sounds epic.

The setting (Rotonde at Botanique) was intimate. Like a tiny amphitheatre. The music quirky, poetic and engaging. The drummer funny. As a bonus we got home at about 10:30pm, which for my ailing wife means we can probably do this midweek concert outing a little more frequently. Why? were great.

That's Why. Smartass.


06 November 2008

Harry Potter Central!

Hey Muggles: start here, for Harry Potter to the power of awesome.

and then continue down the rabbit hole into "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone, by Brad Neely."

This shit is weird (really weird) and wonderful, much like wizardry itself. It is, to quote the youtube blurb, an as-yet-unnamed art form. Perhaps, it shall not be named. At all. Enjoy.


05 November 2008

It's On: The Rumble

Mr. Brainwash (via Wooster)

UPDATE: The Big Guy Won! Boxing fans, we have a new 'Undisputed Presidential Champion (Elect).


04 November 2008

Suggestion: Election Night Activity

Sound Wave, via Oddee

Crazy obsessed about the US Election happening today? Me too. Dying to find out the results. Larry David feels your pain. Here's some stuff you can do while (or instead of) obsessively refreshing pages

Salon.com has a helpful list of movies to avoid exit polls by.

Good idea. Though they don't list some other good political films, like The Candidate.

I however, recommend something more gripping, more visceral, and with more opportunities for fist-pumping. I suggest something that will end in time to watch exit polls, conjecture and punditry flow in.

Tonight, focus your nervous election-night energy on willing a real underdog to compete on a level playing field, against financial disadvantages, defy the pundits, and make a storybook ending.

Of course, I'm speaking of the AS Roma vs Chelsea Champions League match tonight.

That's right! Tonight, November 4 you can still root for the underdog, and not feel like a total douche. Another douchebag!

UPDATE: Incredible. Chelsea doesn't lose often, but they did tonight. 3-1 for the good guys. (Highlights) Thanks for your help. To a brighter future...

Forza Roma!


03 November 2008

Vote for Hope - Obama '08

MC Yogi drops some smooth, sincere lyrics on the need for change. Catchy beat, slick flow, and great animation. As far as I'm concerned this is about the 600 trillionth* reason to vote for Barack Obama.

Obama '08 - Vote For Hope from MC Yogi on Vimeo.
*I'm not really much about the mathematics, but seriously the list of reasons not to vote for Obama:

(Boing Boing)

is actually just another big reason to vote for him. America: please don't fuck this one up. Please.