18 May 2009

Name Your Team!

Need some help coming up with a team name for your inter-office whatever tournament?

Yes you do. Because winning is important, but having the coolest name is even more so.

You need to come up with an awe-inspiring, pants-shittingly terrifying moniker for your team, to strike mindfear into the heart of your opponent.

Or utterly confuse them.

Whatever your strategy, I've come up with some excellent formulae to help you get where you need to go this sporting season:

NAME SUGGESTIONS

1. Add an ADJECTIVE such as:
AWESOME, FURIOUS, PRETENTIOUS, MASTERFUL, DELIBERATE, FEROCIOUS, HAPPY

To an ANIMAL NAME, such as:
PANTHERS, TURTLES, ZEBRAS, SALMON, SHARKS, GRIZZLY BEARS

Examples: FURIOUS TURTLES, MAGICAL SHARKS, DEATH-FILLED HAWKS etc.

2. Use a NATURAL PHENOMENON, such as:
LIGHTNING BOLTS, TSUNAMI, CLOUDS, NORTHERN LIGHTS,

And add “of (ATTRIBUTE)” afterwards, where the attribute can be any DEADLY SIN:
LUST, GLUTTONY, GREED, SLOTH, WRATH, ENVY, AND PRIDE

Or, if you prefer THE CATHOLIC VIRTUES:
CHASTITY, TEMPERANCE, CHARITY, DILIGENCE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, HUMILITY

Examples: SNOWSTORMS OF DILIGENCE, CLOUDS OF WRATH, TSUNAMIS OF LUST

3. Any COLOUR that exists:
BRIGHT RED, VERY DARK BLUE, BLACK, MAROON, AQUAMARINE

any TOOL one might use to build a house or assemble a bookshelf:
HAMMER, SCREWDRIVER, LEVEL, POWER DRILL, POWER HAMMER, POWER LEVEL

Examples: BLACK HAMMERS, SHINY BLUE WRENCHES, INVISIBLE POWER DRILLS

There. Choose a combination and make up your team name. It's a snap!

BONUS TIP: ALWAYS TYPE OR WRITE YOUR NEW TEAM NAME IN ALL CAPS TO SHOW YOU'RE NOT FUCKING AROUND.

Best of luck, and you're welcome.

P.S. I bet this also works with Ultimate Frisbee.

2 comments:

  1. I think they name English pubs in a similar way. Roll two dice, one with an animal and another with an object (for best results the object name should end with "le").

    Fox & Fiddle, Pig & Whistle, Elephant & Castle etc

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well played. This is also true. Another lesson, perhaps?

    ReplyDelete