18 May 2009
Need some help coming up with a team name for your inter-office whatever tournament?
Yes you do. Because winning is important, but having the coolest name is even more so.
You need to come up with an awe-inspiring, pants-shittingly terrifying moniker for your team, to strike mindfear into the heart of your opponent.
Or utterly confuse them.
Whatever your strategy, I've come up with some excellent formulae to help you get where you need to go this sporting season:
1. Add an ADJECTIVE such as:
AWESOME, FURIOUS, PRETENTIOUS, MASTERFUL, DELIBERATE, FEROCIOUS, HAPPY
To an ANIMAL NAME, such as:
PANTHERS, TURTLES, ZEBRAS, SALMON, SHARKS, GRIZZLY BEARS
Examples: FURIOUS TURTLES, MAGICAL SHARKS, DEATH-FILLED HAWKS etc.
2. Use a NATURAL PHENOMENON, such as:
LIGHTNING BOLTS, TSUNAMI, CLOUDS, NORTHERN LIGHTS,
And add “of (ATTRIBUTE)” afterwards, where the attribute can be any DEADLY SIN:
LUST, GLUTTONY, GREED, SLOTH, WRATH, ENVY, AND PRIDE
Or, if you prefer THE CATHOLIC VIRTUES:
CHASTITY, TEMPERANCE, CHARITY, DILIGENCE, PATIENCE, KINDNESS, HUMILITY
Examples: SNOWSTORMS OF DILIGENCE, CLOUDS OF WRATH, TSUNAMIS OF LUST
3. Any COLOUR that exists:
BRIGHT RED, VERY DARK BLUE, BLACK, MAROON, AQUAMARINE
any TOOL one might use to build a house or assemble a bookshelf:
HAMMER, SCREWDRIVER, LEVEL, POWER DRILL, POWER HAMMER, POWER LEVEL
Examples: BLACK HAMMERS, SHINY BLUE WRENCHES, INVISIBLE POWER DRILLS
There. Choose a combination and make up your team name. It's a snap!
BONUS TIP: ALWAYS TYPE OR WRITE YOUR NEW TEAM NAME IN ALL CAPS TO SHOW YOU'RE NOT FUCKING AROUND.
Best of luck, and you're welcome.
P.S. I bet this also works with Ultimate Frisbee.